Couples Therapy

I specialize in working with couples and relationships. Having trained in marriage and family therapy, I really enjoy and am passionate about having more than one person in the room. Therapy tends be most effective when we can have as many relevant people involved as possible. That being said, I understand oftentimes just one person in a relationship is able to participate in therapy and that's okay. I work with clients wherever they are in their relationship and their therapeutic journey.

Approaches to Couples Therapy

There are many approaches to working with couples and relationships in a therapeutic setting. My main approach is Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy, though we may sometimes add in components of the Gottman Method of Relationship Therapy, mindfulness, and experiential therapy.

THe importance of emotion

One of the main concepts of Dr. Sue Johnson's Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is the distinction between primary and secondary emotions. Secondary emotions are most often the expressed emotions, such as anger or frustration. These tend to be the emotions we are aware of and express openly when in conflict with our partner. Dr. Johnson argues that secondary emotions tend to mask our primary emotions, which are the true drivers of relationship conflict but are often unacknowledged. Primary emotions, such as fear of abandonment or shame, tend to be more vulnerable and we tend to be unaware of them. In this approach, your therapist will help you identify when you are experiencing secondary and primary emotions and coach you on how to more openly express your primary emotions with your partner. Dr. Johnson's research shows that couples who are able to express primary emotions tend to be better at resolving conflict and feel more understood by their partner. 

Gottman METHOD

Dr. John Gottman's research on relationships led to his discovery of "The Four Horsemen" which may predict divorce or relationship dissolution: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. The Gottman Institute's website has an extensive explanation of each horseman and how to counteract them in your relationship.

I also find it can be useful to talk to couples about Gottman’s research showing that two-thirds of relationship issues are unsolvable. This doesn’t mean you should give up on your disagreements or problems! Instead, we will focus on helping you develop effective ways to communicate about your differences that leave each partner feeling heard, understood, and respected.